Just to clarify, I didn't create this blog to talk about how great my weekend was, or how I feel like buying a new outfit, because frankly, if I don't care about those things, I would not waste time writing about them...
I think the main reason I've done this is to get all my thoughts out of my head. I can't be too sure though, because lately, I haven't been able to stay on one thought for more than a couple of minutes... Even creating this thing took me long enough... thinking of a title? I tried to come up with something that had some relation to me... and I guess a close friend told me I have courage for surviving a few things, and I suppose I believe him.
I'm pretty easy to work out on the surface... Primarily made up of music, aid and development work, university, family and friends, and a big chuck of alone time.
1. MUSIC - simple enough: i LOVE it. From playing, performing, composing, listening, to critiquing, interpreting, remixing, transposing, studying, experimenting... I would have started playing with the piano before I started walking if I had it my way (:
2. Aid and Development - welcome to my world of trying to make poverty history. After doing the 40 Hour Famine, being Team Leaders, giving speeches, raising thousands of dollars, advocating on the streets, dressing up as a mime, pretending to be a slave and most recently, a Coordinator to the most brilliant bunch of high school-aged Ambassadors, I can push away any skepticism and safely ask, can we end extreme poverty? Yes.we.can.
3. University - I hope it's where I want to be, or I am really wasting my time and a hell of a lot of money. If not, I'm bloody well going to make the most out of it anyway...
4. Family and Friends - pretty self-explanatory. I have a little trouble finding out who the 'true' friends are... the ones that take the bus with me when the limousine has broken down, but I'm getting there.
5. Alone time - man, do I love my alone time... I probably need a large amount of it since a huge proportion of my true-interior self is hidden and stored under my shielded surface, I need some sort of outlet.
Talking about shields... Consider how that term has changed and been given various meanings. Automatically thinking of armour which protects me from a bow and arrow (something not quite as necessary nowadays... ), its purpose is to protect. Whether its from arrows, rocks, bullets, or criticism, disappointment and rejection - some people have them and some don't, and some people need them and some don't.
Why people create shields is open to each individual... From having too much pride, to learning from past hurts and also being afraid, these invisible barriers into our inner-self are not flaws... Most are wall-like... some like sticks, easily pulled down, and others like diamonds, impossible to drill through.
My wall? I didn't have one a year or so back. I was naive. What did I need to protect myself against? I thought the world was safe and that I was safe. Don't get me wrong - I'm not all down on life, because I truly am one of the lucky ones and I love my life. But man, I should of had that wall up. After I found out that I needed that wall, it was too late, and I measly built myself a wall of hay... built with cynicism, rage and hopelessness. And unfortunately, that wall was ripped down and ravaged so as I learnt my lesson, I had enough strength left over to invest in a diamond wall... which is now... fantastic actually (:
I'm not quite sure why I'm talking about walls... But I'm safe. I'm safe inside my diamond box where no one can get to me. It may get lonely now and then, but I get by... that's what I do.
Until I have another million thoughts running through my mind at the speed of light, life is beautiful, but it's complicated. <3
