Because you gave me 'everything'

In the night, I hear them talk, the coldest story ever told.
Somewhere far along this road she lost her soul,
to a woman so heartless.
How could you be so heartless?

The Line

I remember what my life was like before it happened.
I remember who I used to be.
And now, I will never be able to be that person again.
Because you happened.

You happened. And I wish you never did.
I cannot express or even begin to illustrate,
the amount of abhorrence I have for you.
But just to brush the surface...

I find you insufferable, and I am repulsed with the very thought of you being alive.
There is no amount of justice that could be served upon you to have righteousness realised.
You stole from me,
and if your punishment involved an excruciating torture,
inflicting pain and agony for the rest of your life,
it would still seem too kind and pleasant.

Jodie versus herself.

And my head told my heart.
"Let love grow."
But my heart told my head,
"This time no, this time no."

And six months later...

Wow, I really sounded like a nut-case last August, and it's safe to say that I'm still a raving lunatic.

Looking back at the past six months, though things are relatively the same, I'm certainly not in the same place. There are many things I could divulge, however there's only one point worth mentioning - Fear, or lack thereof.

Fearless - I don't believe it's being oblivious to dangers, or the absence of fear itself. Rather, it's having fears, and having hesitations and disbelief, and living regardless of what scares you. And sometimes being fearless means having faith that someday things will change, or letting yourself cry under your blanket. And no matter what life throws at you, you continue to believe in life and love, that's fearless.

As someone who wears her heart on her sleeves, I have to be fearless. Other people who also live life this way will understand how easy it is to get hurt and end up disappointed, but we learn to let go and continue believing in others and in life; continuing to fight for what you believe in, no matter how many times you've tried and how many times you've lost.

Over the past six months, I've been able to find out what it really means to be fearless. I've been confronted and challenged, and by the end of it all, I can honestly say -

I dare to be fearless.

From Shakespeare's Othello, 1604:

IAGO:
It is as sure as you are Roderigo,
Were I the Moor, I would not be Iago:
In following him, I follow but myself;
Heaven is my judge, not I for love and duty,
But seeming so, for my peculiar end:
For when my outward action doth demonstrate
The native act and figure of my heart
In compliment extern, 'tis not long after
But I will wear my heart upon my sleeve
For daws to peck at: I am not what I am.

~ Life is beautiful, but it's complicated ♥